Praise vs. Encouragement: Why the Difference Matters
Supporting how your child thinks about themselves
How you can change the way you speak to children, while changing how they view themselves?
Having positive verbal interactions with children is one of the best ways to build strong relationships and boost their confidence. But here’s something we don’t often think about: as adults, we tend to rely on praise to do this, when encouragement is actually far more powerful—and more beneficial for children in the long run.
You might be wondering, aren’t praise and encouragement basically the same thing? They definitely sound similar! Let’s take a closer look at what they really mean.
What is the Difference Between Praise and Encouragement?
Praise — “to express warm approval or admiration of”
Encourage — “to give support, confidence, or hope to someone”
Do you notice the difference? When we praise, we’re showing approval. When we encourage, we’re offering support. It might sound small, but that shift changes where a child’s motivation comes from—moving it from extrinsic to intrinsic.
Extrinsic motivation is driven by outside factors—like rewards or someone else’s approval.
Intrinsic motivation, on the other hand, comes from within—like joy, curiosity, or personal satisfaction.
Let me share an example from my own life. When I do the dishes, I’m almost always extrinsically motivated—by the reward of a clean kitchen or the appreciation my partner shows. (Maybe you can relate!) There’s not much inherent joy in scrubbing plates.
But reading a good book? That’s a different story. I’m motivated by the simple pleasure of learning something new or getting lost in a story. No one needs to praise or reward me for finishing a book—I just love it.
Now, think about how this applies to children. When we rely on praise, we’re unintentionally teaching them to depend on our approval to feel good about their actions or achievements. Over time, that can make it harder for them to stay motivated when we’re not around to notice.
Why Making the Shift to Encouragement Matters
Encouragement, on the other hand, points children back to themselves. It helps them recognize their own effort, progress, and inner satisfaction. Instead of seeking approval, they begin to develop confidence and motivation that come from within—and that’s what truly lasts.
It’s a subtle shift, but an important one. Try noticing your language this week and see if you can swap out praise for encouragement. The impact might surprise you!
