Routines that Nurture

Tending the garden of your soul

By Kara Richard, LMSW

Have you ever sprinted through days of your life only to look back and ask, “What did I actually do with those days?” Many of us don’t stop to consider time. How are my seemingly small, mundane practices and habits affecting my soul? How is my time adding up? 

Routines can be subtly addictive. Whether healthy or damaging, we fall into routine and rhythm. Maybe because it provides this sense of safety, control and awareness. An ongoing cycle of the same patterns while months go by without us recognizing the impact. I’m not throwing hate on routines. Us adults need it, children even more so. But let’s get curious about what is actually happening in our day to day. Don’t just do the thing. Get curious about why you’re doing in the first place. 

I used to be the planner girl….

It’s New Year’s Day and I’m seeking out a brand new planner to attempt to write down every aspect of my days, my goals, my to-do’s, important events. Possibly a grasp at control? I could manage life without it, didn’t struggle with time management and I remembered important dates. If things felt chaotic, at least my planner was organized? I quickly learned that it sucked my soul dry and stole my ability to be openly surrendered to the present moment. 

So, I stopped. It wasn’t nurturing. 

I sometimes use sticky notes on my MacBook or notes hung on the fridge. Sometimes, there’s a messy to-do list in my journal. Other days, I rely on my God-given brain, which is WAY more capable than I realize. Let’s just say, I got more human. The planner made me feel robotic, I nearly felt captive to it. That lovely planner now buried in a drawer got me thinking about how I structure my days and weeks. Rhythms of productivity and rest. Necessary routines and space for spontaneity. Essential habits and hobbies that bring me joy. It got me thinking about the word ‘nurture’. 

What I’m wondering is, “How do my routines provide nurture?” 

Nurture is caring for and encouraging the growth or development of someone or something. Parents nurture their children. Gardeners nurture their plants. Farmers give nurture to their animals. The act of nurturing brings life, stewards the gift of being alive. Nurture something and it grows. I can’t think of a word more perfect word in reflecting on our time, the very measure of us being alive. 

How do I nurture my life with my time? Like a garden with soil that requires tending to, a mindful practice of ‘caring for’. 

86,400 seconds in a day. And how beautiful that God gives us the free will to choose how to spend these seconds. There’s not a formula, but isn’t that what makes it stressful? Some of us would rather have a detailed formula. The open-ended time seems daunting and overwhelming. Maybe that’s why we grasp at planners or debilitating to-do lists that keep us busy every second. We struggle with open space. 

Open space is viewed as something to fill instead of an opportunity to nurture, and our souls are starved because of it. 

This comes up in therapy sessions quite often. Way more time is spent outside the therapy office. Time away from therapy is just as transformative, if not more so. Our natural tendency as humans is to fall back into old habits. The body’s way of keeping homeostasis and balance. Your body and mind will likely resist the initial change. An inner ‘pushing back’ to a new endeavor. Time and time again, there’s a disconnect. Our mind desires an outcome but our body doesn’t follow in action. I think of Paul in Romans 7, “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do”…a disconnect we’re all familiar with. 

“I want to become stronger, but I can’t wake up in the morning to exercise” 

“I want to read more books but I play video games instead.” 

“I want to spend time with friends, but never respond to their messages” 

Like many parts of life, beliefs directly influence action. It’s just not just a matter of willpower and discipline. This matter cuts straight to the heart. And I wonder if adopting a more nurturing rhythm of life begins with belief…

Do I believe I’m worthy of nurture? What do I actually believe about my life and its worth? 

Your mind might go a million directions with this question - relationships with parents, a significant other, children. But for a second, direct this question towards yourself. Do you believe you’re worthy of nurture? Do you believe you're worth the care, provision, and encouragement it requires to grow? 

Many people live as though they’d answer “No”, and I wonder how this grieves the heart of God. If we believe something is “worth it”, we care, right? If I believe my education is worth it, there will be devoted time and energy. If I believe my relationship is worth it, there will be intentionality and care. If I believe my longevity is worth it, there will be efforts towards nutrition and movement. 

If something is worth it, I will care. 

The way you spend your time, your routine and rhythms, is a window into how much you value yourself and your life. 

It’s not me, flawed and broken Kara, saying your life is worth it. There’s Someone much more glorious speaking this to your soul. The One who created you sent a living Sacrifice to be crucified because your life was so incredibly valuable. To the point of death. My worthiness comes from a deeper well, and this changes everything. 

Some people, especially Christians, cringe at the term “self worth”. It’s been distorted and overused to justify glorifying and gratifying self. There’s an argument against pride, “If you have high self worth, you’re full of yourself”. I would disagree. It’s actually an act of worship to believe my life, given by God, is worthy of care. It’s not always that we hold too lofty a view of self but instead, too low. 

In the words of Mary Oliver, 

Tell me, what else should I have done?
Doesn't everything die at last, and too soon?
Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?

One precious life. This makes your life valuable, and this makes your time valuable. It’s precious, divinely appointed, with an eternal purpose. There is only one of you, and there’s only one of this earthly life. There is only one of today. 

Your life deserves your nurture.

Ways I have learned to nurture my life with rhythms & routine: 

Understand my sleep chronotype and order my life around this. I am an early morning type, feeling most awake and alert right when I get out of bed. Things that need my most sincere and devoted attention happen in the morning. 

Create intentional moments of silence when I’m home. I don’t have a TV, radio playing, or podcasts playing in the background. I engage in my housework listening to silence or quiet instrumentals. This allows me to actually think and process what I’m doing. 

Aromatherapy in all my different spaces. I have a diffuser at home, a lavender hydrosol spray for my car, and a diffuser mix for my therapy office. Smells can anchor us to an emotion. For me, I choose oils such as sandalwood, patchouli, lavender, and eucalyptus. Find what smells anchor you to peace and calm.

Carry a journal with me everywhere I go. I take my journal to meetings, work, nature outings. I never know when the Lord is going to speak something important through the spaces I find myself in. 

3 days of difficult workouts to remind me of my capability and 3 days of uplifting workouts that remind me how good it feels to simply move. I alternate lifting weights, biking, weighted vest walks, HIIT cardio, stretching, and core exercises. Variety helps with burnout. 

Using unexpected times of waiting to respond to friends that I’ve been thinking about but haven’t messaged. While waiting for a train, sitting for a long time in the waiting room for an appointment, while I’m getting my hair done…finding ways to use those moments of waiting to connect from afar. 

Therapy every two weeks with a therapist who also loves the Lord and can point me back to truth while I navigate life’s circumstances. If not therapy, finding a space to process, either verbally or written, my thoughts and feelings. If it’s not going out, it’s building up within. 

Reminding myself that stores and traffic and consumption is not all that exists. Within city limits, I can easily become disconnected to the earth and nature. Carve out at least one day of the week to drive out of city limits, walk through a forest preserve, put my feed in the grass, walk around a lake. The view of water and trees does wonders for anxiety. 

Starting the week off by fasting from all food. Water, electrolytes, and espresso only. Usually 24 hours, sometimes 48 hours. A reminder of my strength, self control, and the reality that I need much more than physical food for strength. It’s transformative both spiritually and physically. 

Do something every week, often on the weekends, that is out of the normal week’s workflow. A coffee shop out of the way, visiting the farm, going to a new library, trying out a new trail, visiting the downtown of a new town. This fuels my adventurous side without needing to book expensive flights every other week.